Turn Ons, Turn Offs
I have a secret love for the email forwards I occasionally get from friends. Most people don’t ever fill them out or send them on, but I always do. Here’s my latest.
Turn Ons/Offs…..
Shopping: Grocery shopping? Turn on- I love when he comes grocery shopping with me. And if it means he was secretly shopping for me, major turn on. I love it wearing something he picked out- just because presents are the best.
Mysteries and surprises: Major major major turn on. I knew I was in love with my husband when he sent me on a rhyming scavenger hunt to ask me on a date. Surprises, to me, mean thoughtful planning and loving secrets about my favorite things (food, friends, love, birthdays, Christmas, puppies).
Dallas: Turn off. Major. Sounds like greasy done-up Texas men that listen to bad music and drive huge trucks. However, Texas also means BBQ to me, which is a love love love of mine and I think should be on the list of aphrodisiacs.
Firemen: Turn on, I suppose in that hero kind of way. What I love more is when you see a dog in the front seat of a firetruck. Then no matter what the firemen look like I’m already smiling.
Gossip: Turn off.
Health Clubs: Healthy people and bodies? Turn on. Fake tan and steroid muscles? Huuuuuge turn off.
Cars: Nascar and corvettes=turn off. Pickups, old SUVs and Scouts=turn on.
ABBA: Love ABBA, but it conjures up images of gay men and Mamma Mia, so not much of a turn on.
Beaches: On On On! Salt water, sunscreen, pina coladas and warm bodies.
Fur: Nasty turn off (unless it’s in the form of a puppy).
Musicals and plays: Normally I would say turn off, but after seeing Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars, I can safely say Turn On.
Hats: Enormous turn on. Something about a hat on my husband (baseball, etc) looks cool, tough, handsome….automatically changes his look.
Cigars: I love the smell of them, but that whole Monica/Bill cigar debaucle has safely placed cigars in the turn off category forever.
Talk Shows: Turn off.
Leather: Turn off. Unless it’s a saddle on a horse, which means we’re going riding somewhere.
Gambling: Turn off-makes me think of seedy casinos with alcoholics, sleazy men and cigarette smoke.
Ambition: Turn on, as long as it’s for the right reasons and not an ego trip or simply to make a ton of money.
Muscles: Again, healthy strong muscles/bodies- On. Steroid muscles- Off off off.
Oysters: Gross. Off.
Prince: The singer? Off. I’ve never really understood the sexual thing so many people have for Prince. To me his look and his music scream ambigiously sexual cheeseball.
Gold: Makes me think of gold necklaces and Dirty Jers….therefore off.
Freckles: On and on and on.
Competition: On, unless the competitive spirit is too show-offy or disrespectful.
Bikers: Motorcycle? Off. Bicycling? On (cruisers, mountain bikes, road bikes).
Glasses: Wow- major on. That includes sunglasses.
Power: Turn on, unless it’s too power-trippy.
European: My immediate image is tight pants, bad teeth and BO. Turn off.
