Is my uterus really a part of this interview?
I have an interview this afternoon that I feel really undecided about. It’s for an organization that I LOVE, and always have, and would be so excited to work for- amazing mission, incredible ED, systemic impact on the community and issue area…except I’m caught in this middle ground, wondering if this is my chance to really try something new.
What? I’m not sure yet, but I keep wondering if instead of going the traditional route and applying for jobs until I get one, what if this is my chance to do something on my own, take the risk of starting something? How do you know when it’s the right time or not?
The other little corkscrew of a conflict that’s keeping me up at night is something that a person associated with this organization said to me….wondering when I wanted to start a family, and inferring that the right person for this job will be able to wholeheartedly devote the next two years to the job (read: no maternity leave). Now that just sucks. This is one of those times when it sucks to have a uterus, and have people basing your professional skill and merit on whether or not you’re going to become a mother, and if so, when.
What do I know best about myself and how I see my future? That I want to be a mother. I don’t know when, but I know that for a fact. And to suddenly have that decision spiraled into a job interview feels unfair. A man would never be asked this same question, even though paternity leave is mandatory.
This layoff has been hard for many reasons, and one of the hardest that’s starting to sink in is a baby. It would be hard to start a new job, get pregnant and take a few months off barely a year into the job….hard, but isn’t that life? Don’t I owe it more to myselfm my husband, and the family we want to start at some point to do what’s true to us? As much as you may love your job, it’s still a job, and not your life.
So what does all of this mean for me in today’s interview? First of all that I need to get out of my yoga clothes. Secondly, that I’ll need to bite my tongue and not let the interviewers know that one of their “people” asked me something illegal. And third, depending on how far I go in this process, I need to figure out what’s next. Deep down in my gut, what feels right? And then I need to be true to that and find that path going forward.
Hopefully that path includes a creemee today as well.
